


Help Me Think I'm Somebody Else

by OverexcitedDragon



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bloodplay, Demon Dean Winchester, Dirty Talk, Drugged Sex, Dubious Consent, Emotional Manipulation, M/M, Masochism, Mentions of internalized queerphobia, Mentions of self-harm, Mild Gore, Mild S&M, Post-Episode: s09e23 Do You Believe In Miracles?, Rape/Non-con Elements, Shameless Smut, Verbal Humiliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-29
Updated: 2014-05-29
Packaged: 2018-01-27 00:27:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1708226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OverexcitedDragon/pseuds/OverexcitedDragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[SEASON 9 SPOILERS]<br/>After hearing from Sam that Dean had died and came back as a demon, Castiel gets through an emotional roller coaster. He decides he has to see for himself, and that he has to try and do all that is possible to fix Dean. But when faced with a demon that has Dean's face, voice, and thoughts, Castiel forgets that demons are deceitful and sly, and the newly formed hell spawn decides to have his way with the angel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Help Me Think I'm Somebody Else

**Author's Note:**

> [PLEASE READ NOTES BEFORE READING THE CONTENT]
> 
> \- If you are triggered by non consensual (or strongly dubious consensual) sex, bloodplay, or drugged sex, PLEASE don't read this. I don't want to harm anyone with my content and I surely don't want to trigger anyone. I worry about you guys.  
> \- Writing a story about non/dub consensual sex is NOT the same as saying that dubcon/noncon are okay. I do not approve of forced sex or drugged sex. I wrote this fic because I had an idea that merged with my kinks, and those are fictional characters, not real people, please don't feel offended.  
> \- No, I'm not entirely sure whether to call it dubious or non consent, because Castiel is, yes, forced, but he enjoys it anyway, so, well, have your own conclusions.  
> \- Although I wrote "drugged sex", it's not the first drugs that you would think of. You'll understand when you read it.
> 
> \- Title is based on the song Closer To God, by Nine Inch Nails.
> 
> \- This is placed post season 9, although it can easily be an AU if you're not that far in the show. If you haven't watched it yet but you already know what happens to Dean in the end of the season, you can read it. The only spoilers I'm putting in here are in the last five minutes of the last episode of the season.
> 
> \- This is my second published smut, so I'm not entirely sure on how good or bad I went. Please feel free to criticize my writing on the comments, I need as much reviews as I can get to improve my writing and give you all better written fanfics.
> 
> Enjoy.

Castiel's breath caught up in his throat, his forehead sweating, and his heart beating pumping hard against his chest. The words coming from the mobile phone tumbling inside his head, breaking already thin walls of safety and hope.

"Sam..." Cas said, his voice merely a whisper forcing itself over a sob, "Are you... are you entirely sure...? I mean..." he couldn't finish. It was too much to take in.

Cas heard a sad sigh over the line, and a snort of disbelief. "Yeah, Cas..." Sam murmured, trying (and failing miserably) not to sound too devastated, "I'm pretty sure."

"I..." the angel started, then he gulped and took a deep breath, "I want to see him, Sam."

After a long silence that made Cas question whether Sam had hang up, Sam finally spoke, "Are you sure, Cas? I'm not sure--"

"I am, Sam," he cut in, before he decided to bail out, "I need to help him through..." but he didn't finish, because not even he knew what he needed to help him through. "I'll be there in two hours," and hung up.

Castiel put his phone in the coat's pocket, and realized his hand was shaking.

He had no idea how to feel about this information.

  
_Dean died_ , Sam said,  _but not really_ , Sam murmured,  _he's alive now_ , Sam snorted,  _but he's different_ , Sam hissed.

  
_He came back as a demon_ , Sam sobbed.

Should Cas be happy because Dean was not dead? Should Cas be devastated because Dean was a demon?

He didn't know.

He was shaking, his eyes wide, staring at the floor of Heaven's dungeon, his mouth dry, his skin sweating, his heart pulping blood as if he was about to have a heart attack. He might would have had, had he been human.

It was too much to take in.

In no time, Cas flew (on the metaphorical sense, since flying was exhausting to him, at this stage of deterioration of his stolen Grace) away from Heaven and to his car, avoiding and ignoring the angels that questioned him if he was fine.

Firstly because he didn't want to lose time, secondly because he had no idea whether he was okay or he was terrible. He just didn't know. He had to see for himself.

The trip to the bunker was quiet and claustrophobic, with Cas' mind playing all kinds of scenarios in his head. None of them were good.

 

 

Sam opened the door after one knock, and Cas wondered if Sam was sitting down behind the door, far away from his own brother, waiting for Cas to please-for-Christ's-sake show up.

Sam looked exhausted.

"Hey, Cas," Sam tried to smile, and it came out as if smiling caused excruciating pain.

"Hello, Sam," Cas answered. He did not try to smile.

Both stood up in front of each other for a few seconds, then they wrapped each other in warm, longing hugs. Sam felt skinny and weak between Cas' arms, despite his huge figure. Cas didn't want to know how he felt to Sam. He honestly didn't want to know.

They parted and stared into each other's eyes, searching for safety and comfort. There was none.

Without a word, Sam stepped to the side, inviting Cas in. He closed the door behind the angel and gave him a pity look before he started walking. Cas sighed silently, making a huge effort not to break down at that moment.

 

 

 

They arrived at the dungeon doors.

Castiel gritted his teeth in emotional pain, thinking of what might have led Sam into keeping  _Dean_ in the dungeon. He sighed. The entire situation was an obvious, acceptable reason. Sam opened the doors, and the smell of sulfur took over Castiel's nostrils like pestilence.

Dean was sitting on a chair, in the middle of a huge and extremely powerful, carefully drawn devil's trap, his clothes, face, and hands, but mostly his stomach, were sprinkled and painted with blood - some his, some not -, his hands were handcuffed and his neck trapped in a collar, all iron and bound by trapping spells. Despite his situation, he was sitting comfortably, loosely, legs spread open, back resting against the chair, head dropped slightly to the right, and a smug, but barely there smile on his lips. He looked down at both of them. And his eyes...

His eyes were ink black.

But what startled Castiel was Dean's true form. Because now he didn't have a huge light glowing inside him, pure and beautiful, not anymore. His insides were a blurry black smoke, his skull hosted a pair of argali horns that were blurry even in Cas' vision, his mouth was seldom taken by numerous pointy teeth in a sight that faltered, and behind him Cas could see a pair of pitch black bat wings that he has never seen in any demon other than Knights Of Hell - the horns, wings, and teeth were barely visible, as if in a mirage, occasionally blurry, occasionally very much real, thanks to the angel's weak Grace, which gave him somehow of a human vision. Cas was glad Sam couldn't see them. Dean's wings were folded at first, but seconds after Castiel came in the room, Dean spread them until the trap's walls stopped them. He was greeting Cas. Cockily.

In response, Castiel spread his broken, bony, stolen pair of gray wings. Dean smiled, cocking his head to the other side. The collar made him look like a hound.

"Hey, Cas" Dean's voice thundered in Cas' ears. Instead of bright and melodious, it was dark and with a hiss in the background, as if he had a snake nest inside his throat. "Never really noticed, but you're quite the stud," Dean licked his lips and smirked. "Except for the stolen wings and all, but that's just details."

"Hello, Dean," Cas said, and his voiced came out croaked and pained. He turned to Sam. "I would like to be alone with him if that's okay," he murmured.

Sam hesitated, looking at Dean with grief and worry. After a gulp and a grit of his teeth, Sam nodded and left the dungeon, closing the doors behind him, but leaving them unlocked.

After that, there was a long staring contest between an angel and a demon, and Castiel was deciding whether that creature in front of him had vestiges of Dean inside it, or if all that Castiel has done in the past years was for nothing.

"You know, Cas," Dean started, "it's pretty bumming already when your brother treats you like a fucking piece of shit, but when your  _angel_  treats you like you're an abomination... dude, I might get depressed," he managed a pout. "Come closer, I've got big teeth but I ain't gonna bite," he trailed off, "well... unless you want me to." Dean grinned, wetting his lips.

Castiel gritted his teeth, and gave a few steps forward, stopping right at the edge of the trap.

"C'mon," Dean said, faking disappointment, "if you're going to stay  _that_  far at least strip for me." Castiel ignored him.

With a deep breath and a soldier's will, the angel stepped inside the circle, his legs were shaking so much they almost gave up. He felt stupid for all that caution near Dean; it was  _Dean_ , he wasn't going to hurt Cas, he wasn't going to do anything bad to Cas, he was still  _Dean_ , deep inside. Maybe way too deep inside, but Castiel brushed those thoughts away.

"Hello, Dean," he tried again.

"Hello, Cas," Dean talked back, his voice soother than before. And his smirk fell into a gentle smile. "I'm glad you're alive," he didn't sound sarcastic.

"And I'm glad you're--" Cas started, but he couldn't finish. _Was_ Dean alive? Was he  _well_? Was he  _fine_? Before he could think any more, Dean snorted.

"I'm not in the best situation, I know..." he wet his lips, "Kinda shitty, right? Becoming what you hate the most..." Castiel frowned at that. "I mean... at least I've got these wings and these horns, which are super kick-ass," Dean chuckled, "I'm sure if Sammy could see them, he would've been blinded by the awesome and wouldn't have trapped me in this shit hole."

Now  _that_  sounded more like Dean. Castiel let out an unwilled smile.

"Wanna come closer? I'm not an irrational animal," Dean sounded offended, even though he had a joking smile on his lips.

"I'm not here to socialize, Dean, unfortunately," Cas said, trying to sound calm.

Cas had the  _idea_  on the way to the bunker, and it was the most stupid idea he has ever had in his life, but it was an idea. Cas was aware of Sam's method of "curing" the lack of emotions of a demon by inserting a certain amount of human blood in its veins. Dean's condition as a demon was different from any other demon, and Cas knew sole human blood wouldn't be pure enough. Angel blood, on the other side...

"Oh, so you came to have fun?" Dean smirked. Cas tilted his head, confused. "You know, move some furniture around, hide the sausage, make a home run?"

Slowly, the realization came to Castiel, and his hope on Dean being inside there somewhere faltered. "You want to have intercourse with me?" he asked, not even bothering to hide his shock.

"What?" Dean snorted. "Don't tell me you never even suspected..." Cas' face was still of blank shock. Dean let out a loud laugh. "Never suspected I had the hots for you?"

Castiel's frown deepened.

"You know, this  _demon_  thing" Dean started, "is actually pretty... enlightening. I now have no shame, no filter, no nothing. I feel free to say anything I want to, and I don't care about the consequences. I honestly think that's the only thing that changed about me-- well," he cocked his head to one side, "except for the horns and wings. The eyes I'm training on controlling yet... wanna see?!" he asked suddenly, a big smile forming on his lips.

Castiel nodded slowly, not sure of what Dean would show him. Dean closed his eyes for a couple of seconds, and when he opened them again, they were as green as if they were never took by darkness. The right eye then faltered to black again, but it quickly came back to white and green, then the left eye went black and Dean twitched his eyelid, as if it would help him, but it didn't become green. Then he sat there, all weird and amazingly dork, with one black eye twitching and one green eye barely open, eyebrows drawn together and teeth biting down on his lower lip, concentrating to keep both his eyes as human as possible. "Uh," he said, giving up and leaving his eyes in a queer color palette, "I'm still training, so..."

Cas let himself chuckle at that. That demon in front of him was acting 100% Dean at that moment, and now Cas felt inclined into treating it as if it  _was_  Dean, even though he wasn't so sure.

"So, anyway..." Dean continued, "I'm thinking more clearly now, you know? Now I'm not afraid of saying some things... such as 'I have the hots for you since the day I stabbed you with Ruby's knife', which is a pretty dumb thing to hide." Dean smiled. At some moment inside his sentence, his green eye blacked out again.

Castiel's breath faltered at that reckless confession, which sounded nothing like Dean (or everything like Dean? he wasn't sure). Dean had  _feelings_  for Castiel?

_Demons lie._

_Demons deceive._

_Demons trick._

_Demons manipulate._

All of that came back to Castiel, and again he wasn't sure what to believe in. It  _was_  Dean, the human being he trusted and loved the most in the entire history of existence, but at the same time it was a demon, deceitful and sly. Cas' hands started shaking again, and he closed them into fists.

"Cas," Dean's voice sounded gentle now, "I've always wanted to taste you."

Castiel's heart skipped a beat, and he froze in place, completely lost. A few seconds later, he walked away from Dean and in the direction of one of the shelves inside the dungeon. He knew there were some syringes inside a box somewhere in those shelves filled with books and boxes. He needed to start healing Dean as soon as possible. And he needed to stop listening to whatever words came out of Dean's mouth. Because it wasn't possible, it couldn't have been true, Dean couldn't have feelings for Castiel. It was a trick, a good demonic trick. Cas started opening the boxes to check their contents, looking for the syringe one.

"Always wanted to know how it would feel to bend you down..." Dean continued, voice reverberating through Cas' ears and sending shivers down his spine.

Wrong box.

"To fuck you senseless and hear you moan..."

Cas gulped. Wrong box.

"To hear you beg for me to fuck you harder, stronger, faster..."

Hands shaking. Wrong box.

"To feel you clenching around my dick as I bang you so hard you'd have to hold the headboard..."

Breath catching. Wrong box.

"To come inside your ass and fill you so much you'd be dripping..."

  
_Damn it, Castiel, you can handle this_. Wrong box.

"To jerk you off while I watch your sweet face messed up from pleasure..."

  
_You can do this, you can do this, you can do this_. Wrong damn box.

"To hear you scream my name and watch your mouth gaping when you come all over yourself..."

  
_Get it together, Cas_. Wrong fucking box.

"And then to fuck your tight ass again while you're still sore, so fucking hard I'd make you bleed and  _you would still fucking love it_..."

  
_Breathe in, breathe out_ \-- right box!

But finding the right box didn't mean Dean would magically stop.

"And you would open your legs for me again, like the slut you are, and I would fuck you so damn good you would call God's name while wrapped around my dick..."

Castiel was feeling mentally weary as he walked towards Dean with the box in hands. He knelt down in front of the demon, opening the box and taking a syringe from it. His mind was blurry, and he was trying to ignore the words coming from Dean's mouth, with Dean's voice, created by Dean's imagination. But it was impossible to do so. All those unholy thoughts have accidentally crossed Cas' head once or twice-- or more times than he'd be able to admit, and hearing them in Dean's voice made him shamefully aroused. But being aroused by something a demon says (even if it was, in more than a few ways, Dean himself) made him feel worthless, filthy. He stared down at his shaky fingers holding the syringe; would this really save Dean from himself? He didn't know, but he had to try.

"Oh, Cas, I'd fuck you so good, you'd love it so much," Dean said. Cas looked up at him and his lungs faltered; Dean lips were slightly parted, his black eyes were on Cas as if the angel was a prey, his hands were closed in tight fists over his lap, and his legs were parting slightly. "Oh, oh, Cas, just let me out of those chains so I can do you..." he murmured in a hoarse tone.

Cas gulped, and went back to his business. He had to do it before Sam got worried and came to see if they were okay, because he was almost entirely certain Sam would not approve of what he was about to do. Castiel pulled up the left sleeve of his coat and shirt, hauled the belt from his pants - which caused Dean to groan, which caused Cas to flinch -, and fastened it around his left arm, tightening it. He heard Dean's heavy breathing as he stuck the needle in his inner elbow. Cas pulled the plunger and blood came rushing inside the barrel.

Dean's breath caught in his throat. "What are you going to do with that?" he croaked.

Castiel didn't answer.

"Cas, c'mon, leave this thing there, let's have some fun--"

" _SHUT UP!_ " Castiel barked, letting himself be taken by the anger building inside him. " _Shut up_ , Dean! This is  _not_  you, these are  _not_  your words! You are being taken by this disgusting filth inside you, and I'm going to snap you out of it,  _or so help me God_!"

Dean was silent after that, and when Cas took the filled up syringe off of his arm, raised from the ground, and looked Dean in his eyes, he found some sort of sadness in the demon's face.

"You do know" Dean started, with a quiet tone, "that this is not a filth filling me, right? This is who I've become, this is who I am, and saying that you're going to snap me out of  _myself_  as if I was a  _disease_ is not exactly nice of you, Cas."

Castiel gulped. He wasn't sure whether he was really being an awful friend to Dean or Dean was just tricking him, like demons do. What if these thoughts were all really coming from a deep corner inside Dean's mind, and were only being voiced now because he had lost his shame? Not that it was any better that Dean had lost shame, but Castiel knew that his blood would first fill Dean with excruciating pain before making him 'human' (or as close as possible) again, and apparently Dean knew too. If Dean was just acting like a new 'no boundaries' version of Dean, putting him through this pain would be... unacceptable.

"This is me now, Cas," Dean continued, voice slightly sad now, "I'm a demon, and as much as you hate it, as much as Sam hates it, as much as  _I_   hate it, you can't change it. I don't know what your blood will do with me, but I don't have the best feeling by looking at it, and this bad feeling probably comes from my  _dark side_  since I was always okay with your blood before, so I'm guessing you're going to try to 'snap me out of it' inside out. Except you can't snap me out of anything."

The angel frowned, the hand holding the syringe now shaking yet again, and his mind filling with doubt. Demons have never made Castiel doubt his own judgment, but this was no common demon. Aside from being Dean, it was also a demon created form the Mark of Cain, and that made it more powerful than common demons, and its tongue much sharper too.

Dean or not, it was able to bend and mend Castiel's mind, and Cas' knowledge that it could do it didn't change at all the fact that it  _could_  and it  _would_  if it would wish to do so.

"We've been through so much together, Cas," Dean sighed, head dropping to the side, his face buried in disappointment, "You said it yourself, you did everything for me... and I did everything for you... do you really think I have never thought of you as nothing more than a friend? Than a brother?" Even though Dean had no visible pupils, Cas could feel his eyes piercing Cas', turning him inside out, molding him to Dean's will. "My jerk of a father made me into an angsty ass, never able to show my feelings, pretending I was only into pussy," he chuckled slightly, "Did you know that I learned a lot of things after I became a demon? That I learned that you can be so many things other than straight or gay? I opened my horizons, you know? I realized that I was able to be attracted to someone with a dick between their legs without having to cut into my thighs to try and snap me out of it," he drafted a smile. "Or punch a wall until my knuckles bled, or scratch my shoulder until they bled, or pull my hair with so much strength my head would ache for hours? Just because dad was a queerphobic ass and he pushed his ignorance into me..."

Dean chuckled, letting Castiel drink that information in.

"You..." Cas started, voice croaking, "You would hurt yourself because you felt desire for someone of the same sex...?" He slowly said the words, misery taking over him.

"You have no idea what I would do to myself when I woke up after a wet dream with a certain angel that happened to choose a male vessel to wear..." Dean muttered. "This...  _curse_... that happened to me-- becoming a  _demon_ , it gave me acceptance, it drowned my guilt over something so normal, but something I thought was unacceptable..."

Castiel drank the bitter words in, tasting them. It made him feel terrible to never find out that Dean was depressed enough to actually _phisically_  hurt himself over something so... human. He wondered if Sam knew, if he never said nothing about it because he knew Dean would never listen to him, because their father's words were stronger to Dean than God's own words. At that moment, Castiel started to unintentionally loathe John Winchester. He didn't like the feeling, but there was no stopping it. Was John the source of Dean's self-loathing?

Slowly, Cas had an epiphany - Dean Winchester was no longer depressed, because demons can't have mental illnesses, because they can't feel bad about being who they are, or doing what they do. And this was another thing to confuse Castiel, because was Dean being Dean without mental illnesses, or was Dean being a demon and just being deceitful out of nature?

"Cas, I'm me," Dean said, kindly, "I'm absolutely and completely me, and the only thing that changed about me is that I'm not ashamed of saying that I desire you, that I love you."

The words hit Cas like a bullet, and he dropped the syringe. The sound of breaking glass and splashing blood were mute over the numbness of his mind. He stared into Dean's eyes, not being able to close his gaping mouth, to voice his messed up thoughts, to answer Dean's oh, so dreamy words. Dean's eyes suddenly went from deep black to green, and he was staring into Cas' orbs.

"No..." Cas started, "No, stop playing me..." he croaked.

"I'm not playing you, Cas..." Dean shook his head slowly, eyes never leaving Cas'. "I love you, I do, I've always loved you." His voice was gentle, and nothing like Dean's, but Cas couldn't stop himself from believing him. No matter what he thought about demons, this one in front of him was Dean, and maybe, just maybe, these words were also Dean's. "Cas..." Dean said, eyes pleading, "I want to hold you, please, let me," he held out his wrists, bound by iron.

Castiel was breathing harshly, air coming in like acid, coming out like sand, and his mind was blurry. Billions of years of living, and Dean Winchester was the one thing that would made him confused enough to want to cry. Cas gulped, torn between believing the one being he ever fully trusted, and following his most natural sense of not listening to hell spawns.

Dean won this choice years ago.

Cas knelt down, and he held Dean's hands, who held his back gently, thumb stroking his skin, spreading warmth over it. Castiel tore the tight handcuffs apart, and watched Dean stroking his own wrists and twisting them in relief.

"Now the collar, Cas," Dean smiled at him, his eyes still green and his voice still sweet, even with the hint of hissing in the background. The sound of it washed over Castiel's body and soul.

The angel did as he was told - it was Dean, after all, he couldn't refuse freedom to the righteous man. Dean leaned closer to Cas, eyes piercing him, mouth bent in a never-ending smile. Castiel held the collar, caressing it for a second, feeling the binding spells written in it. Then he broke the collar with close to no effort, letting it fall and clank on the ground.

Dean's smile stretched devilishly.

"Thank you, Cas," Dean murmured. He cupped the angel's cheek, and Cas leaned mindlessly onto it. "That was very, very nice of you."

Castiel nodded slightly. He was happy to be useful, he was happy to be able to help Dean, to free him once again. He felt like an angel again.

Dean's hand slid to Cas' hair, stroking it slightly. Then the demon's fingers held onto his hair painfully tight, and he pulled Cas' head back, twisting his neck slowly.

The breath caught in the angel's throat, his smile died on his lips and he frowned, not being able to understand how Dean's touch could be painful to him in any way.

"Now, angel dear," the demon said, eyes slowly inking back to black as he bent Cas' neck until the angel was close to falling on the ground, "strip to me."

The words sank slowly in Cas' mind. "What...?" he muttered.

"I said..." Dean started, releasing the angel's hair, "Take off your clothes."

The ache on his scalp felt alien, and Castiel felt dizzy and strange as he listened to those words. Part of him knew it was wrong, it was a trick, it wasn't real.

Part of him didn't care.

He could never have Dean anymore, not ever again, not bright-eyed Dean, not hopeful Dean, not gentle Dean. This was the best he could get now; demon Dean, with no boundaries or shame. And he was strangely okay with this. It was best than nothing, right?

Right?

Castiel rose to his feet, dropping the coat and unbuttoning his shirt. Dean watched him eagerly, smile never leaving his face. The shirt came down, but his hands froze over the belt, and his eyes met Dean's. All he needed to built the courage to go on was a nod, which Dean gave.

Soon, Castiel was fully unclothed, and under Dean's black eyes he felt naked in every possible way.

"You know..." Dean started, chuckling, "I lost a lot in life by pretending to be straight... I mean, look at this," he gestured to Cas' body, "God sure did a great job on Jimmy Novak."

God. Jimmy Novak.

Castiel snapped.

What he was doing, at that moment, he wasn't doing with Dean Winchester. He wasn't about to make love to Dean Winchester-- how stupid was he to think of such a thing? He was about to be driven into sex with a demon that had Dean's shape, body, voice, eyes, memories, thoughts, but it didn't have Dean's boundaries. Didn't have Dean's feelings.  Not really, no.

"What--," he gasped, eyes widening, "You're-- you're driving me..." and he started to step outside the devil's trap. But demons are fast, and demons are wicked.

Dean propped up from his chair and locked his fingers around Castiel's neck in less than half a second. He smirked widely.

"Where do you think you're going, dove?" Dean murmured.

The demon bit hard on his lower lip, drawing thick blood from it. And before Cas could push him away, he kissed the angel.

Even though the grip on Cas' neck was tight, the kiss was gentle. Dean pressed slowly against Cas' shaky lips, soothing, and brushed them, wet and sweet. His lips were hot as fire, close to a burning point. Dean licked Cas' upper lip, asking permission to slip inside. Cas opened his mouth, letting Dean breach in and tangle his tongue with the angel's. The hand around Cas' neck slid to hold his hair gently, tongues intertwining with each other, tasting blood from Dean's mouth - a very thick blood, thicker than that of a human. The smell of Dean's blood was that of candy, and the taste was not of iron or copper; it was sweet like white sugar, with a very slight hint of ash.

All of Castiel's instincts told him to stop doing that, to flee and call Sam and not only cuff and choke Dean but also  _gag_  him so he wouldn't drive anyone else into his spells. But love and lust kept the angel there, kissing, tasting, melting.

Dean's hands were warm over his body, one caressing his scalp, the other stroking the curve of his hip, and the warmth was that of flames, licking his skin red. Their bodies moved closer, and the heat was overwhelming, warming Cas' entire body into a sinful bonfire, changing the kiss from kind and delicate to hot and filled with lust. The little blood the angel swallowed felt extremely like poison, taking over his body, heating his insides, warmth flowing to every limb and every extremity, including his shaft, which made Cas gasp loudly against the demon's mouth. Dean smiled at that, biting Cas' lower lip and dragging out a second moan from the angel.

"Oh, Cas, it's so nice to hear you moan," Dean whispered against Cas' mouth. His voice washed over Castiel like electricity, and the angel's whole body shivered.

  
_This is wrong_ , Castiel thought,  _This is extremely wrong_. Like he cared.

The angel's hands raised to hold Dean's back, giving up his last drop of resistance, and he tightened his fingers around the leather as if his life depended on it. Maybe it did, maybe Dean would kill him if he didn't accept his advances, maybe he would slowly choke Cas while fucking him, back hurt and bleeding against the concrete floor. The thought sent a inexplicable shiver down his spine, culminating on his groin, and Cas was about to feel ashamed for it, but he decided he could feel all sorts of ashamed later.

Dean broke the kiss, black eyes staring the melted angel in front of him. He licked the blood on his lips and smirked to Cas.

"I'm going to fuck you so hard you're going to ask for mercy," Dean chanted.

The words sent shivers all over Castiel's body, and when the fingers on his hair tightened and pulled him down so he'd kneel, he obediently complied, dropping to the floor. The feeling of cold concrete piercing his now weak knees was new, but welcomed, and he soothed under it.

Dean's hand never left the angel's scalp as the other one undid the zipper and button of his own pants. The demon pulled out his half hard shaft and stroked it slowly, staging himself to Castiel.

Cas' face was inches from Dean's cock, and at this moment he decided to shut down, to absolutely shut his mind, and his thoughts, and his boundaries. He could feel guilty about it later.

The angel's mouth gaped slowly, and Dean's expression at that was of pride and immeasurable lust. He brushed Cas' lips with the tip of his cock, and when Cas opened his mouth wider, eyes raising to face Dean, the demon thrust in without a thought, flesh sliding against bloody, flushed lips, and he moaned loud and dirty.

"Oh, Cas," he smirked, "your mouth is so warm, you know that? So warm..."

Dean shoved deep inside Cas' mouth, and the tip touched the back of the angel's throat, nearly tripping his gag reflex. He choked and gasped around Dean, eyes dampening with tears of struggle.

"No, no," Dean said, suddenly serious, "If you gag on my dick I'm going to rip your intestines out and choke you with them. Not joking. I can do that now, remember?" Then he smiled again. "C'mon, Cas, you can do better than that."

Dean started fucking into his mouth, and Castiel tried as hard as he could to relax his throat, tears sliding down his face in huge effort. He couldn't move, Dean saw to that by holding his hair so tight his scalp was numb with pain, so all Cas could do was make sure he wouldn't gag and his teeth wouldn't scrap. But the warmth and lust spreading inside of him made the tasks harder by the second, his mind going places he was sure an angel shouldn't go. For some unknown reason, he was  _enjoying_  being hurt by Dean, being forced by Dean, he  _enjoyed_  having Dean fucking into his mouth so deep he almost threw up, having his lips wrapped tightly around Dean's cock while he rode his mouth like a toy.

As his mouth was being violated, Castiel wrapped a hand around his own half hard shaft, stroking it eagerly. The pleasure flushed through him, and the hint of guilt for falling in sin that pecked his mind vanished away.

Dean pulled his cock from Cas' mouth, and a mix of spit, blood, and precum dripped from his reddened lips. Castiel's mouth was gaped, and he looked at Dean with half-lidded eyes. The demon released his scalp and stared at his face in awe. Cas wondered what he looked like to Dean.

"Now, Cas," Dean spoke in a lecturing tone as he took his jacket and shirt off in quick, skilled motions, undressing only his upper body, "you're going to drop on all fours, and you're going to spread your legs to me." He raised his eyebrows, waiting for an answer. Castiel took a few more breaths, wide eyes blinking slowly to the demon in front of him, then he obeyed. The angel turned his body around, hands dropping on the cold floor, and spread his legs. Cas turned his head to look at Dean, curious about what he would do next.

Dean smiled at him, "Good boy," he said. The demon then suddenly bit his left forearm hard, and blood began to paint his lips red and flow down his arm. Dean pulled out the chunk of skin and spit it on the ground. The blood was different from human blood, it oozed like oil, streaming down the ground and down his arm slowly, it was thick and it was dark. Castiel froze for a moment, shocked, worried. But he didn't dare move.

Dean locked eyes with Cas' widened blue globes as he dig two of his fingers inside the wound, drawing the blood out and filling them in dark red oil. The smell was excruciatingly sweet, and it made Cas feel sick. "You know, Cas," Dean started, "demon blood is usually the same as everyone else's, but mine... I feel special, you know?" he twisted the fingers inside the wound, "I feel different from the other black-eyed scums downstairs. Maybe it was the way I was transformed? My blood... it's thicker," he then showed Cas, spreading his red fingers. The blood didn't drip down from between them, instead it slowly slid down. "You know where these fingers are going, don't you?" he asked gently, kneeling behind the angel.

Castiel felt innocent, oblivious. 'These fingers' were going to be washed and that wound was going to be patched up. Right?  _Right_? Dean's smile suddenly grew wider.

"Cas," Dean said, with a gentle tone, "I'm going to fuck you with my blood, and  _you're going to love it_."

The breath caught up in Castiel's throat, and suddenly it didn't feel right or okay no more. It felt wrong, it felt weird, it felt naughty, and Cas didn't feel like not caring anymore. His expression of fear and worry was obvious, and Dean's smile immediately dropped into a menacing blank face. Castiel tried to reach for outside of the devil's trap, but Dean's left hand quickly locked around his neck and his head was slammed against the concrete. Dean held him down there, hand tightening around the angel's neck. Despite the dizziness and the ache, Cas could feel the blood gushing from his forehead, sticking his skin to the floor.

"You're not going anywhere," Dean said, in a low tone. His hand released Cas' neck and slid down his spine, until it culminated on his buttock, holding it tight, pulling it outwards.

Castiel felt Dean's tongue licking slowly from his balls, to his perineum, and then around his hole, warm, and wet, and soft. He licked inside Cas, and the angel's muscles gladly opened up to his tongue despite his anger and his fear. He felt like he had lost all control over his vessel.

But Castiel was still slightly sane, even if it was going to last for only a few seconds.

"Dean, you don't want to do this," Cas cried out, voice croaked with pain and misery, "Please, you don't need to do this..."

Dean's tongue left his asshole, and the demon guffawed. "I don't? Why don't I, Cas?"

"Because you're better than this..." the angel's voice was weak, and the sheer effort of talking made his head ache even more, "Because there's still something human inside you..."

After a silent pause, Dean chuckled, "Exactly, Cas," he said, and his bloody finger circled Castiel's hole, making the angel gasp. "I'm  _all_  human, I'm  _made_  of human. That's what demons are, you know?" Dean inserted the tip of his finger inside the angel, and the hotness of the skin and the warmth of the blood made Castiel lose himself in sinful pleasure all over again. "We're just a very improved version of humans - without all the daddy issues and all the shame. We're...  _free humans_."

Dean thrust the finger inside slowly, earning a winced moan from the angel. It was burning hot, and the heat was intoxicating. The demon started to slowly pull and push, and Castiel's words were lost in his throat, replaced by low moans. Dean raised his left foot and placed it over the angel's neck, holding Cas' head down, keeping him still. The feeling of the boot's hard sole against his neck made Cas groan, and no matter how much Castiel tried to tell himself that it was wrong, that it was sinful, he lost himself in being useful to Dean, in being used by Dean, in losing control over his own vessel because his stolen Grace was weak and wearing out, and because Dean was poisoning him inside out into staying there and taking it all in.

There it was, the feeling again, the feeling that came with Dean's blood invading Cas' body; Castiel felt numb, his mind felt washed clean, and all the worry, guilt, and shame got replaced by pleasure, lust, and desire. That God forsaken liquid was a sinful poison, and it was taking over an  _angel_.

Another finger joined the first one, digging again and again inside the angel, and Castiel's hips rocked slightly against them, which made Dean chuckle. The warm blood was leaking down to his perineum and scrotum, and his cock twitched by the warmth of it.

A third finger stretched his hole, and Dean started twisting and scissoring them inside Castiel. It was overwhelming, it was staggering, and Cas was losing his mind to three fingers washed in demon blood.

No. He was losing his mind to Dean.

"Oh, Cas, baby," Dean groaned, "You like that, don't you?" he opened his fingers wide, stretching Castiel's rectum, making the angel wince and moan, "You like my fingers stretching you asshole while I choke you down with my foot. You dirty _slut_..." Dean chuckled. "Oh, you fucking  _love_  it, don't you? Rock your ass for me, baby, c'mon..."

Castiel moved his rear around Dean's flaming hot fingers, and the more the blood entered him, the more intoxicated he felt.

"Good boy, good boy," Dean said, rewarding Cas with a caress on his left butt cheek. "Now, stay put, relax..." He retreated his fingers from inside the angel, and before Cas even had the time to feel empty, to complain that he wanted them back inside him, Dean positioned the tip of his cock right at Cas' entrance. With no wasting time, the demon pushed inside the angel in a fast, merciless thrust. Castiel yelped in pain, tears flowing down his face to the concrete. Cas felt Dean's hot hands on his buttocks, and they squeezed them hard and painfully, pulling them outwards, before soothing and caressing them.

"If you scream one more time I'm going to snap your neck with my foot," Dean dictated slowly.

The demon pulled out and pushed in slowly, but no matter how slow it was, it was still painful. Not only that, it was burning hot - if Dean's skin was hot already, his shaft felt like a bonfire inside Castiel, burning the walls of his rectum. The angel bit down his tongue to keep himself from screaming, and he endured the pulling, and pushing, and heat with only winces and quick puffs of breath. The whamming became slowly quicker and deeper, but the pain became bearable, and after awhile he started to get used to the heat, which instead of burning his skin, warmed it. The sound of Dean's moans were enough to pull Cas from the suffering altogether, and although the pain was still there, he started to enjoy the feeling in a sick, but nonetheless delightful way. The feeling of hot meat grinding against sore skin made his entire body shiver, and although he would never admit to himself,  _he loved it_.

Dean's mouth kept dropping compliments - or what he thought were compliments and what Castiel sickly accepted as such -, calling the angel slut, whore, bitch, babe. And every single one of the words made the angel's cock twitch and leak under him.

"Oh, Cas, you're so tight, so wonderfully tight..." Dean moaned, rocking his hips, shoving inside Castiel with inhuman strength, "You open up so good, just like a whore... just like a sweet, cheap whore..."

Such words shouldn't make the angel moan, shouldn't make him groan, shouldn't make him rock himself against Dean's cock and seek for pain and pleasure and for  _more_ , but they did all of it and they did more, and soon the room was taken by cries of sheer lust, loud from Dean, louder from Cas.

"Cas, you're so good, so damn good, keep rockin', c'mon, keep rockin' on my dick..." Dean said as he stopped moving. Castiel kept the pace, moving his rear back and forth, fucking himself with the demon's cock.

"There you go, fuck yourself," Dean's voice was hoarse and breathy. His right hand pulling Cas' cheek outwards so he'd watch the in-and-out of his cock inside the angel from a better angle. "Fuck yourself nice, bitch... that's it...  _oh_ ,  _Cas_..."

The foot on Castiel's neck released him, and Dean moved himself to a more comfortable position. Cas' neck ached, but he couldn't stop the feeling of emptiness that dragged when Dean let go of him. But the feeling didn't last long, and Cas didn't even have time to miss the sole pressing him down; Dean locked his fingers around the angel's soft locks, and hauled his head back, bending Cas' neck in a position that would've easily choked a human in a few short minutes. Cas held himself up on his arms and bent his back a little to get less uncomfortable, and as soon as Dean steadied himself with his other hand holding Cas' hip, he started thrusting inside him again, hard, fast, skin and fabric slapping against skin all over again in a new and sweet angle.

There was no swallowing moans now, since Cas' neck was bent back in a way that didn't allow him to close his mouth. All the dirty, slutty moans and pleads came out tumbling against each other, voicing things not even the lowest angel would say.  _Yes_ , and  _harder_ , and  _oh, Dean, please_  filled Castiel's throat and gushed out from his mouth in shameful groans. His eyes dampened from the pain in his scalp - and, he thought, maybe also from the pain in his sore hole being whammed by a merciless demon, but the pleasure coming from it was such he wasn't sure he was in pain. Or maybe he was in pain and he enjoyed it. He couldn't know, he wasn't sane enough to think about it.

Dean lowered his body over Cas', shifting his angle inside the angel, and the demon's cock began hitting Cas' prostate, pleasure building up inside him in such an inconceivable way that he began getting dizzy. Every time Dean hit his spot, the pleasure was stronger, and bigger, and better, and, every time, Castiel pleaded a  _yes, there_ , or a  _right there, oh, Dean_.

"You like it there, you whore?" Dean whispered on Cas' ear, licking it with a burning hot tongue, "You like it when I fuck you there?" He tightened the hold on the angel's hair, threatening to pull the skin off of his head, "Answer me,  _bitch_."

" _Yes_ ," Cas cried out, afraid he would actually lose a slice of his scalp, tears slid down his cheek in pain, " _Yes_ , yes, Dean, I do, I like it... when you fuck me... there... oh,  _Lord_..."

Dean guffawed on Castiel's ear as he pumped inside the angel. "There you go, call your daddy," he murmured, "That's it, he's watching you right now, isn't he? Omnipresent and all that? He's watching you get banged by a demon, Cas," he bit down Cas' neck, drawing out a moan from the angel. "Your daddy is watching you get pounded by a fucking _demon_ , how's that for disappointment?"

The words sent a wave of pleasure down Castiel's shaft, and he felt ashamed and dirty, because it was true, God was watching, but more than that: Cas enjoyed the idea of God  _watching_.

The heat of Dean's cock inside his sore asshole, coated by thick warm blood, the loud and dirty slapping of skin on skin, the sickly sweet smell of blood and the disgusting smell of sulfur, the sound of Dean's groans and Cas' moans, the spite on Dean's occasional poisonous words, the delightful ache on Cas' scalp, the struggling to breath, the feeling of helplessness and loss of control... Castiel wasn't going to last much longer with all that. It felt overwhelming, much more than he could ever take, angel or not, fading Grace or not.

"I'm going to come, Cas," Dean murmured in a hoarse tone, "I'm going to fill you with so much come you're going to be leaking for days," He held tight onto Cas' hair, and the angel's skin felt close to tearing, "You're going to feel my heat inside of your for  _days_..."

After a few more hard and deep thrusts, Dean came inside Castiel, filling him up with a semen so hot it reminded the angel of lava. And when Cas felt the liquid heating his prostate and Dean's last lazy thrusts hitting it sloppily but right on, he felt his whole body flinch in pleasure, his head became light and for a moment he thought he was about to faint, but then the orgasm washed over him, closing his eyes, letting out the dirtiest, longest, loudest moan, numbing his mind, twisting his fingers, shivering his arms and legs, pushing all the air out of his lungs, contracting his abdomen and culminating on his shaft, which shot his climax out in streaks of come, painting the floor under him white.

Castiel came out of it panting and in pure joy, hands close to faltering and dropping him. At some point, Dean had let go of Cas' hair, and the skin where his hand had been holding started to pulse in ache. The demon's weight laid down on Cas, and then he collapsed on the ground, Dean's warm body over him, Dean's hot cock still inside him, and Dean's fiery semen mixed with blood still heating his rectum. After a few seconds, the demon slid himself out of Castiel, and the angel winced at the pain, now realizing how sore and hurt his insides were. Dean rolled to the side, panting, eyes closed, tired smile filling his face. Castiel stared at that, not sure of what to feel.

"You have no shame, Dean Winchester," the angel murmured. Dean opened his eyes, which were now green and human, and turned his head to look at Cas.

"Life's too short to be ashamed of doing angels," he answered, with a grin.

Castiel would have frowned, or tilted his head, but in his weariness all he could do to show Dean a sarcastic expression was raise an eyebrow. But then Cas didn't care anymore, and he didn't care about scolding Dean anymore, all he wanted at that moment was to imagine that this was Dean, and imagine that this was love, and imagine that that was a very strange pillow talk.

Apparently, Dean understood that very much, because his eyes didn't ink back to black at any moment.

 

 

 

The broken syringe was gathered and put in a trash can, the box was back on the shelf, the blood and cum on the floor were wiped clean (or the biggest possible amount of it), and the blood on both men was cleaned.

Clothes on, and Dean back on the chair, Castiel's realization started to sink in, and his hands dropped to his sides, shaking, as soon as he finished fixing and locking Dean's handcuffs - with Dean's permission, because apparently he was still human enough to worry about Sammy, and the best way to take care of Sammy was staying in the bunker, and if he worked hard enough to gain Sam's trust, his little brother'd probably let Dean out.

"You drugged me, Dean..." Castiel murmured, staring at the green eyes and smug smile in front of him.

The stare between them was an entire conversation itself. Dean didn't back down from it, and he pierced Castiel's eyes with sheer and sure determination.

"I know you, Cas," Dean answered, finally. "I know you, and I know you enjoyed that, so don't fucking pretend."

The angel lowered his head, quiet. It was true, he had enjoyed, and for a second he thought he could have blamed it on the demon blood, but then he realized that even now, with the blood's effect fading out, he didn't regret a second of it, he didn't regret it at all, he had loved it, all of it. Castiel didn't talk back.

" _I know you_ ," Dean echoed himself, raising his eyebrows in a challenge for Cas to say something.

Castiel stood there, speechless, ashamed, but elated, if those two feelings were any possible to be felt together. He then leaned down and gambled a gentle kiss on Dean's lips. To his content, Dean kissed him back, and when they both parted, the look on their eyes wasn't that of hatred or regret. It was joy.

"You can visit me again whenever you want, Cas," Dean added.

Cas knew what that was. An invitation to make of  _this_  something regular.

Castiel let himself draft a smile, and he nodded slowly.

The angel turned around and opened the dungeon's doors. He gave Dean a smile, and when the demon smiled back and his eyes inked black, Castiel didn't feel like this wasn't Dean, not anymore. He closed the doors behind him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

**This work was based on a[post by Tumblr user justdestiel](http://justdestiel.tumblr.com/post/86566520539/i-am-dying-for-a-post-9x23-fic-with-demon-dean), who told me their idea was based on a [post by Tumblr user crossroadscastiel](http://crossroadscastiel.tumblr.com/post/86377119022/no-but-demon-dean-being-all-filthy-mouthed-and).**

**I'm sorry I deviated so much from the actual idea, things got out of hand. lol**

**Author's Note:**

> I do feel like someone is going to pin me down about that, so I want to explicitly say that yes, Cas enjoyed it, and no, it wasn't just his obsession with Dean and/or the demon blood making him believe that he enjoyed it. I like my characters pinned down and fucked senseless, but I like them savoring it.  
> Also, I just wanted to explain that the title was supposed to be based on Castiel's internal struggle with enjoying a human kink that demeans his consent on sex, therefore he was actually silently glad about Dean's attitude to drug him into it and make him stop feeling guilty about himself and just enjoy it. (Again, I'm not praising rape, this is nothing but a fictional story with fictional characters, no one got truly hurt, only developed some sort of minor Stockholm Syndrome).  
> I hope you guys liked the idea of demon blood being a kind of aphrodisiac/stoner. I myself have no idea where it came from, really. It just randomly popped in my head and I decided to go with it because it sounded nice to write. Same thing with possessed bodies being literally hotter than other humans's.
> 
> If you enjoyed it, please leave kudos and/or a comment! I'll very much appreciate it. :D  
> Thank you for reading. XO <3


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